Wow, What a day.

...Tch...

Yeah..amazing.

I don't know...what to believe honestly...I'm really numb right now. I've lost my grip on reality...I don't know whats up, whats down, whats real, whats my imagination...My sides have switched over 34 times now. Dott's afraid, Sain's pissed off more then a motherfucker. I'm frantic, just wanting to hide, and the rest of me is just hurt...

I know I shouldn't believe her...But maybe I was right not to trust him. Apparently everything was a lie, it was all just because I needed the attention... You don't know, How much...That hurts to hear...It hurts so bad.....So....So bad...

My knuckles are more durable then I thought they were. I've punched the fuck out of the Refrigerator, and my closet door. I don't want anyone to think I'm AFRAID of her...Because god knows that's not the reason. I'm afraid to HURT...Her. I've spent so many years, doing nothing but PROTECTING her...Being there for her, Sharing her fucking emotions. I-can't-fight-her. I just can't...Unless my Anger gets the best of me, I wont...I refuse to..I refuse to hit her. I refuse to do such a thing.

If he loves her, and wants her so badly, then so be it. It'll only prove to myself that I was stupid enough to trust another man...Another person in my life.

Part of me doesn't believe it though. She's a CHRONIC- LIAR, She probably just made shit up because she hates my guts right now..About how everything he said, and did, was because I needed the attention......Sain say's it's not true.

Then why does it hurt..So bad? Why is this all happening? I don't get it! I can't control myself. THAT'S what I'm worried about. I'm not AFRAID of her, I'm AFRAID, of me.

I have no clue where he went.... his hoodies gone too. My knuckles hurt, and my head hurts..

This is just too much...

....I can't believe I'm hiding....I can't believe I'm locked into my room, just sitting here....I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT.

I hate her..I'm not going to school tomorrow, I know damn well I'll go into flair up after this...I can feel it working already..

I need some weed. I need some Zanny's, I need some Alcohol.......I hate this.....I can't CONTROL MYSELF.

Now I just feel like a bitch.

I love my brother dude...He always comes to my rescue in times like these...Proves a point to me every time, that you should NEVER EVER trust anyone...In the world no matter who it is. Whether it be your best friend, or your husband. I feel protected when he's around...Not that I'm a wimp or anything...I really honestly don't know if I could ever actually FIGHT, anyone.. I can hardly fight back with friends when were just playing around.

I REALLY fucking wish I knew where he went....No..

Why should I care. I don't know the truth yet.

I'm gaining more control over myself now though...I just needed a moment to collect myself. I already told my Master I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'm not until she gets me back into Akron digital. I'll become that kid who keeps to herself in her room all day again... I'm just not meant for the world...I just can't handle it.

Dude, He's still telling me things to make me feel better. Like how she's a twig, and that he knows damn well I could beat her ass. That if she lays her hands on me to just let go, and to lay  her ass out.. Which is what I'll probably end up doing anyway. She's gonna push me to my limit, and I'm just not going to care. My Temper is not something to be messed with.

God I hate this world.