Listen up.

I feel like I'm a bad girlfriend or something... How can I be so bad when I'm always there for him though? My family /loves/ him, and I think it scares him almost. He's never had a family who actually CARED about him like mine does. My Master even went out of her way to buy him a new belt, AND let him stay here when he's fucked up, Lets him eat here- he practically LIVES here. He gets along with my Sister, and When Jeremy comes around, we just leave... I don't see why he feels like he shouldn't be able to do all of those things. It's /okay/ to do them here. He's safe, so why does he feel like he's gonna fuck it up all the time. He wont, He needs to realize that.

Yesterday was a GOOD day. He was drinking, We got pills, And smoked a bit. We were good till he took more pills then he was SUPPOSED to. You need to stop doin that shit. I know your damn limits, and 2 and a half makes you black out. 3 Makes you black out. Any more, and I think you'd never remember the rest of your LIFE. I don't LIKE it when you black out, I don't LIKE it when you get so over dosed, and it makes you so EMOTIONAL, that you CAN'T talk to me, You say some pretty fucked up things when you do, Shit like how I don't care enough, Or how I don't show it enough. Do I love you?

Yes, I fucking DO you idiot, Now accept it when I say it, and believe me when I'm telling the truth. I TOLD you. Don't lie to me, and I wont lie to you, I CAN'T lie. I honestly can't, You either know the truth before hand, and I "lie" just to try and push the subject away, But I EVENTUALLY end up coming out with the truth, DON'T I? It's hard for me to lie, I can't make up a story off the top of my head like some people do, I can't because it makes me shake, and I can't ever KEEP the lie going. I get stuck at some point, and then get caught in my own web. You honestly believe I'd lie about such a thing? NO.
NO.
NO.
NO.
NO.
NO.

Don't EVER accuse me of lieing, because I don't, Specially not about that, or anything else. Best believe that. I'll probably be the ONLY girl you'll ever date that wont lie to you. EVER. Because I don't see the point.
I KNOW I don't show that I care a lot of the time, But I show it in the little ways. Like constantly being by your side, Constantly making sure your expressions stay calm, And when they aren't I get tense, and try in SOME way to fix it, to make you feel better. What do you want me to do to show you I care more? I have a few Ideas, And hopefully they work.

You always tell me "Don't do it unless you mean it." Just because I didn't do it before you asked me to, doesn't mean I wasn't THINKING about doing it, You just gave me the final reason to do so. I LIKE falling asleep with your arm around me, or mine around you, I LIKE holding your hand when we walk around, I LIKE it when you kiss me spontaneously, I LIKE being THERE for you. I LIKE our good days. I LIKE waking up at 5 something in the morning, I LIKE waking up next to you, I LIKE being WITH you. I like the music we listen to, I like spending the day with you, I like how you tell me how beautiful I am, even though I think I look like shit. I love sex with you, I like how you respect me, I like how you stick up for me, I like how protective you are, I like how my scars don't make you turn away from me, I like how you check on me, I like how you let me KNOW where you are, after disappearing, I like how you take care of me, I like everything you do....Everything. How hard is that all to notice? I'll do it too if it'll make you happy. I WANT to show you how much I care. How much I REALLY want you to feel about this. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be letting you sleep in my bed, I wouldn't be letting you stay at MY house, I wouldn't let you touch me. It makes me WONDER what exactly makes you think these things.

You didn't MAKE me fall in love with you...I fell on my own, even BEFORE you and Arika stopped dating. I still always cared about you, Admired how gorgeous you were, Stuck up for you, when I knew she was wrong about something. Stuck up for you against Anita, My own Master, My own sister. I've always protected you. Something about you, just drew me in, I couldn't stay away.

TELL ME. So I can't FIX myself, Make myself a better PERSON. You can't keep shutting out the world like you do, You can't shut me out. I will always pry, and pry, and pry, until you crack. I KNOW you. And that's what you need sometimes. Other times I just wait for YOU to tell me, But sometimes, I really should push you more. I hate it when you can't talk to me, You think I DON'T understand- who gives a FUCK about my little ass problems? I.don't.care.about.them when YOU need my help. When YOU are the center of my attention, only YOU matter, ONLY you and what YOUR going through matters. Don't EVER tell me I have my own problems, and not to worry about you. I haven't given you a reason to worry about me yet, But when you do, Do you honestly think I'd push you away, and tell you to fuck off because you have your own problems? NO. Because you deserve to KNOW whats going on, So why don't I deserve to know? If anything, I wouldn't say two words about it to anyone else, But I should STILL be informed. What, Can't trust me? Think I'll hurt you like everyone else? NO. Because I WONT damn it, I WONT. Not this time. I've hurt many...Many people in my life time, And I'll be DAMNED if you think I can't deal with another one. I am MEANT. BORN. CREATED. My whole soul PURPOSE is to help others, To help the ones I CARE about. To stay loyal, until the very fucking END. And have I proven that? Maybe not to Arika over this one thing, but I'm ALWAYS loyal. ALWAYS. I'll DIE before I let someone hurt you. You just DON'T know. I'll show you...One of these days, I'll fucking show you.

So tell me Dawuane...Tell me.