Listen,
I was told a good point.
I know he needs to have time to "think" About things, But in the end, what could he honestly do about the whole situation anyway? f anything, I fucked up his chances of ever getting back together with Arika...Even if they wanted to. They'd still have problems, and neither of them would ever talk to me again. We all know thats the truth...
But even though I fucked it up, Why do I still feel...Like I could still get them back together?
I hate saying that...
But thats what he WANTS, How am I not supposed to consider that?
Everyone says that she doesn't want him back, bla bla bla, Well if she didn't want him back, why would she still have feelings for him? Why would she still keep bothering him about them, Wanting to know how /he/ feels too.? Why would she keep fucking making him feel like complete SHIT about it?
Because she does, No matter how much she says she doesn't, Pft. You think I don't know that chick by now? And your going to say I don't know her? Dumbasses, it's a bluff.
I guess this sounds a little confusing, so I'll explain.
She's been talking to Jeff recently, about shit and whatnot. (Yeah..I fucking hate it, so what). But the things she tells him, Aren't the full story, But he has told me some things...That I didn't even know.
We talked about the whole situation, And how I have to know that they'll always have feelings for each other, no matter what.
And I can understand that, Everyone has feelings for someone they truley cared about. So I'm okay with that,
But his point was; "Can you honestly live with having a relationship with him, KNOWING he still has feelings for Arika?"....
....And honestly.....No...I can't.
I couldn't stand it now, and I don't think I ever will be able to...
So what do I do?
I can't /be/ in a relationship with him, knowing he still loves her...I just can't. It hurts too much.
And no I'm not being selfish on the matter, I always took ARIKA into Consideration, and hid from her. We never "flaunted" our relationship.or how "happy" we were. We hid it from her, because I know that shit can hurt...
But I'm stuck....
I'm torn between trying to get THEM back together (Even if they say it wont ever work again), Helping him GET OVER her again, FIGHTING for the one I love, or.....just leaving this for a while till he can show me that he can change, and actually get over her.
I can't be in a relationship, who has feelings for another person.
I can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to try.
I can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to DO anything with himself.
Who just wants to get fucked up all the time because he's bored.
But that was pointed out too,
Even if he did get a job, Wouldn't that give him a BIGGER reason to buy more drugs and shit?
He's not responsible enough to NOT do that.
It was pointed out that...I'm a little "controlling" in the relationship as well, But it's who I am, because I'm always trying to push people onto the right track. But it's because I can't STAND it when people lose their WAY.
I can't..I hate it, and I wish you would do something better with yourself, and with your time.
I can't be with a boy. You need to be a MAN and get over things, Get on with your life, and DO soemthing with yourself. Honestly.
I'm an independent person. I take care of myself, I buy most of my own things, I'm even trying to get out on my own, and get my license, at the age of 15-17.
He's 19...19!! And he cannot handle being alone...
It's not a bad thing, It's better to stay with people, But he has to learn how to fly eventually. His Master is not going to let him stay with her forever, They all need to learn to be on their own.
You can't /always/ rely on Family. I've come to learn this.
So what do I do?
Do I let him go, and hope he comes back a better person?
Or do I continue to try and help him with this...?
Do I let him go off on his own, Learn his own damn lessons, and probably be hurt in the process?
Or do I wait for him to hurt me directly anyway...And just wait for the time to comes.
I'm not afraid to be hurt...I'll stand firm, and strong for the rest of my life, even after everything ends...I just want whats BEST for him, and for him to make something of himself.
Yeah...I wish he'd stay with me, But I can't control that...Fate can only decide,
And his decisions as well.
You can't be afraid to hurt something that has already been killed.
Something that has already been hurt before.
Being hurt by you, would only happen, because you didn't try.
Or because you didn't even want to.
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