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So I miss him Terribly....So what.I'm not sure how else I'm supposed to feel at this point. It's what- Wednesday now? And...Well...I think I've done pretty well trying to give him time, and space to think.
Least I'm not down his throat anymore. But how could I help it, Well...She, meaning Sain. I think that's what made them both break. She's very upset with the whole situation, No matter how strong she tried to be about it.

For once, I feel bad for /her/. I've never seen her cry like that to anyone...About anyone, Or even in FRONT of anyone. It scared me a little bit, I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't sure if the room would be engulfed in flames, or if she would just punch him in the mouth..Haha, But this is what I was /shown/ Through her eyes.

I know I'm hard on him, About growing up and what not, I know he just wants to be a kid while he can...Have fun while he can, before he actually has to take care of real responsibilities, and what not. I know I'm not the only one pushing him. His Master does too.

But what about this whole situation? I'm not sure what to make of it honestly.
I don't want him to think he's dating me to get over /her/. So I reeaalllyyy want him to figure that out, and I'll give him however long he needs...

But how long can I go without seeing this boy? How long can I go before I actually snap, and end up there again? Lol, I know those words are nothing but Doom to him...He doesn't want me to Love him, And yet he does at the same time...Thats complicated, how do I do that?

I'll be like I always was then. I admit, I did go soft on him in the beginning. and I think that's what Made us fall apart so easily. Besides him still having feelings for her....I can get over that, as long as he does too..Ya know? We both have to kind fo work at this, But that is if he WANTS to...

Honestly...I want us to work out. Course I do. I'm willing to work on it, Help him, Be hard on him when he needs it, and be caring when he needs it. Because I know I don't show very much emotion...Ever....But you have to understand...I don't know how to be emotional, I don't know how to spill my guts, without them being thrown back into my face, or....Just unaccepted. I've got trust issues, and I've grown to trust in you boy...But please don't take advantage of that. Not saying you would, But you never know. "Guys think different."

But anyway, I'm probably busy for the rest of the week. Gotta go grab my computer MAYBE, today from school. Go TO school, Finish up some paper work there, go home, gotta go to the new house, clean out some shit there, It'll be the first time there for me...So I'll get to see what that's like. Then my brother might bring me some weed...Lol. Funny story behind that one.

And Thursday I'm going down to Firestone again. So at LEAST I'm keeping myself busy though, right? I hate to be alone, and engulf myself in thoughts, It's just stupid.

So hopefully that all works out.


Is it stupid to keep sending you these?
Does it even matter anymore?
I don't know whats going on...


I feel blind..